THE CARETAKER

Many individuals who deeply value connection, empathy, and support for others often find themselves struggling to balance their own needs with the demands of the people around them. This deep-seated drive to care for others and be seen as valuable often comes from a place of wanting to feel loved, needed, and appreciated. However, this tendency to overextend oneself in service to others can sometimes result in neglecting one's own emotional, physical, and mental well-being.

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In therapy, the focus is on understanding the origins of this giving nature and exploring the underlying beliefs that fuel the need for external validation and approval. Often, these individuals may struggle with boundaries, feeling as though their worth is tied to what they can give to others, rather than simply who they are. Therapy helps them develop healthier ways of engaging in relationships by fostering self-compassion and self-awareness, teaching them how to care for themselves as much as they care for others.

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Through techniques like EMDR, individuals can address past experiences that may have shaped their need for approval or made them feel that their value is conditional on their ability to meet others’ needs. Parts work is often used to uncover conflicting internal voices—such as the “helper” part that seeks to care for others and the “neglected” part that craves attention and affection. Somatic therapy may help release stored tension from the body, especially if caregiving has led to chronic stress or burnout. Exposure therapy can help individuals face their fears of being “too much” or “too little” in relationships, and learn how to show up for themselves without feeling guilty or selfish.

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The result of this work is a healthier, more balanced sense of self. By learning to set boundaries, nurture their own needs, and receive love without having to earn it, individuals can create more authentic, reciprocal relationships. In this process, the drive to care for others becomes an expression of love rather than a means of gaining approval. The healthiest version of this individual is someone who feels confident in their ability to both give and receive love, and who knows that their worth is inherent, not contingent on their actions or their ability to please others.